(repost) i cleaned everything
My life srsly made a whole 180 because everything great thats happened to me is coming one by one and IM SO GRATEFUL!!! I have plenty to talk about
Just the month of May, I got accepted to both the University and the scholarship I applied to, and last week I finally graduated High School! YIPPAYYYYY
Good riddance for all the stressing, because now that means I have more time to myself! And I spent my time wisely, because lookie me, I CLEANED MY ROOM LETS GO!!! And I cleaned everything else too, a lotta cleaning recently.
I cleaned my room for 2h straight, from the windows down to the floor. It's really great to finally enter a clean room everyday, and to not have to sulk or get scolded for how messy it is. I also cleaned my figures, they're all mostly spotless and neat now! I used old paint and makeup brushes to dust them off which it helped a lot lol. But before that, I've also been deeply cleaning my website codes too. Because holy moly it definitely needed that. I was appalled to see over 700+ lines on my HTML like what have I been doing to make it that much??? What's more, I've been cleaning and updating my Notion pages! I use Notion for everything including anything regarding this website. so yeah, a buncha cleaning
So as I was cleaning my room, it felt weird knowing I'm not a high schooler anymore. I threw away old assignments and loads of paper, looking back at it reminded me of how much shit I went through and still survive. I remember I used to be group leader like 80% of the time, and when I used to complain having that role, even though those were one of the best moments of my life. On top of that, especially during graduation when I saw a few familiar faces, ones where I used to boss around during group projects (lol). I met old classmates and people I used to hang out with and reminisced about the times we had. I was really feeling bitter sweet about ending this chapter of my life.
Apart from that, I came across my old journal while cleaning. I read my old entries of me wishing my ass off to get into my dream university. I giggled out loud actually, in my mind I was thinking "hey haha guess what chucklefuck, YOU GOT IN!!!". I also had entries of me venting about wishing the best for me, hoping people would be proud of me, and my future to look bright. (also,, holy hell how did i write such banger reflections back then?!?) I wish I can tell me from that time that their wishes came true because here I am! To say the least, everyone, especially my mother, are really proud of my accomplishments. I am proud of myself too, as well as for cleaning my room for freaking finally.
Looking at the bigger picture, I really had changed a lot for the past 2 years as a senior high school student. Funny case, I actually wanted to apply for the Senior High School program of the University the year I made that old journal. But I couldn't get in sadly, because ugh, the stupid school was so lazy and slow I ended up enrolling to a different one instead. But surprisingly I am grateful I made that decision, because I've made memories in this school that I wouldn't trade for going to that University (probably). There, I learned personal lessons that I wouldn't have gotten. From that old journal to now, I've certainly changed a lot.
Its crazy, because the past few months I've been hella down in life, just coding and couch rotting. Also I've been self loathing a bunch because I truly really thought I wouldn't be able to achieve anything great. Now everything is changing, like its another new beginning. Everything made a whole 180! Or, maybe nothing has changed at all, that it was just my mind playing games(?).
But that is only partly why I'm feeling better now. I realized that my pattern of feeling miserable actually stops by changing my lifestyle habits and cleaning my workspace. Not by any great achievement no, but by getting off my ass and making a change. I say this because I read some old entries from almost exactly a year ago. And coincidentally, last year also I had a moment where I felt miserable, but it was helped by me cleaning up for myself and changing my life style habits. Now further looking back, I noticed a pattern. Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed or stressed, I end up feeling miserable for a while. But every time I manage to pull myself out of that, it usually starts with me cleaning up after myself.
Although I'm still not feeling comfortable with social media just yet (coming from my last blog post), I'm still gonna slowly work my way through it.
So yeah, finally I'm gonna get my shit straight now. Now that senior high school officially ended for me. Hello to college life and more shit to go through ig..! i might get dirty, but I'll leave that for my future self to clean up for that.